How should I act around my Aunt who has lung cancer? ?
Question by Kels: How should I act around my Aunt who has lung cancer? ?
My aunt lives in Germany. My Mom and Grandma are going to go visit her in November, although it might be pushed up considering she is very ill. She is only 39 years old and has always been a free spirit.
I do not know how to act around someone who is potentially going to die in the near future. I am nervous and really need to know how one should act? Should I act like nothing is happening or make it known that I am aware of the cancer?
Please help!! I have never had to deal with this before.
Best answer:
Answer by Candy M
It’s easy dear,
Just don’t smoke around her.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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Normal she;l appreciate it
Just be yourself, whats stopping you?
Act like you always have around her. I think it would be awkward on both your parts for you to talk about her potential death and such. Make the visit a great one, save all the sadness for the end of the trip if anything.
she isn’t dead yet you know… treat her exactly as you would if you didn’t know she had cancer. It changes her health, not who she is.
Just act normal, hun! I’m sure that your aunt will really appreciate that!
My condolences about your aunt. When you visit, act normally. If she wants it to be a topic of discussion, let her bring it up. I’m not saying you should be totally nonchalant to her, let her know you love her, but enjoy the time you spend with her, don’t make it all doom and gloom.
How you would normally act. You don’t want to make her uncomfortable. I’m sure she would appreciate.
You should act normal , but make her feel like you care about her illness . You should make her feel comfortable . Make every moment with her worth remembering for . Talk to her and listen .
dont smoke around her and dont remind her of her cancer she has…it hurts……just treat her like she is your aunt still but with no cancer…perfectly healthy dont ask her about it unless she talks about it it may be hard for her and upsetting to her that she has cancer…..
Be yourself. Your aunt doesn’t want you to refer to her illness all the time, but on the other hand it’s no use avoiding the topic by all means. Believe me, it is hard for her too, so be sympathetic. That is the best you can do.
your shouldn’t make it a big deal even though it is because u might upset some people. but if shes just like ya i have cancer discuss it with her. but my advice is to just act how u would normally act around her
Don’t ignore the situation at hand, acknowledge it, but don’t treat her any different. It’s unfortunate, but you still have time together, and it shouldn’t be spent pretending that nothing is wrong. Just be calm and sympathetic and enjoy what time you have with her.
Just act happy and be there for her but act like nothings happening but at the same time act like you know…if shes a free spirit i guess u should just make it fun for her
Try to act the way you did before you knew she had cancer. It will be tough, but I think it would be best. Pretend you were the one with lung cancer, how would you want people to act around you? Once you figure that out, I’m sure it will help a little.
act positive and speak positive and if anyone brings up the dieng part denie it and keep her cheerfull
You don’t need to freak out, or you’ll really freak her out. You need to try to stay upbeat. Follow her, do as she does. If she ignores it, ignore it. If she doesn’t, don’t. Just do your best to act natural and make her feel as comfortable as possible.
Act like you would if she wasn’t sick. Her illness doesn’t change who she is. But also don’t ignore the fact she is sick just don’t make a big deal out of it.
treat her like the alive person shec still is. offer her to sit outside instead of the bed all day if she up to it.
Your aunt probably already knows that you know about her condition. Even if she doesn’t, don’t bring it up. You say that she has always been a free spirit so I bet just thinking about it brings her down. Just act like you always have around her. It’s what she needs right now. Not to mention the fact that I doubt you want to remember her as “my dying aunt”. Try to make as many memories as possible while you are with her. Good luck!
if shes your aunt she probably already knows you know she has cancer…just act normal..people who are going thru this dont need to be reminded of it…
First, admit you don’t know what to say, and apologize:
In response to the insensitive reactions she experienced, Lori Hope wrote a book, Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know. According to Hope, as Bernstein reports, the first thing to do is to “admit you don’t know what to say.” It’s simple enough, yet it makes a huge difference. After admitting you’re unsure of what to say, says Hope, you should “apologize in advance for doing or saying anything upsetting.”
Next, offer your support:
As Hope advises, “Be sure to tell your friend you will be there for her.” Without friendship, illness is tough to deal with — so make sure to let your loved one know that she can count on you to be supportive.
Then, be flexible, adapting to what your loved one needs:
As Bernstein explains, “Not every cancer patient wants the same type of support. Some want to talk about their illness and accept help willingly. Others struggle to preserve their independence and behave, at least outwardly, as if nothing is wrong.”
Be yourself. This is your aunt not a total stranger. Talk to her the way you always have. If she wants to talk about her cancer then she will. I don’t like to talk about mine anymore then I have to. But there are times I like to have someone to talk to. Be yourself, nothing more or nothing less.
you just act normal and pretend nothing’s happened. Don’t be too nervous and stay calm. Remember act normal, just how you would everywhere else.
You shouldn’t be like “i didn’t even know that you had cancer”-that’s what I think -please don’t be offended
and that considering the nice person you are, to give her positive advice and keep her happy.
Hope that helps!!-good question as well.
try to spend the most time with her that you can. Talk to her, this will be the last time you have to do so. Let her know that you love her, reminisce about all the good memories you guys had together
Treat your aunt with love and respect. Lung cancer is very hard on her and she is already going through a very hard time. Let her know you are there for her and love her but I’m sure she would not want you to focus on her illness but enjoy the time you spend with her.
I am very sorry to hear that your aunt has cancer and I will pray for her.
The same way you did before you found out they were ill.
hey there
my aunt passed away from infuzema or however its spelt eh. im sure she knows ur aware, my aunt was difficult tho she wouldnt get treatment she was so rediculous!!! she told the doctor he didnt know what he was talking about >_< honestly i would just act like myself dont act like somethings wrong i mean u can show that ur aware but be urself as much as possible
Be yourself, don’t act stupid as if you don’t know whats going on. Take her a gift maybe flowers, chocolate or even just pick something up that just reminded you of her. Always have positive energy around your aunt, it will make her feel good.
The best thing to do is to take your cues from her but I would treat her as normally as possible. She does not need people feeling sorry for her, she needs someone to help her be strong and fight. When my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, it was too late. He was misdiagnosed with a different disease when later we found out it was cancer the whole time. He put up a fight but to no avail. The chemo and radiation did not help him. It took away his kidney function, his pride, and his will to live. When he finally passed on, he was not even a functioning human being. He couldn’t hold his functions, he couldn’t talk, he couldn’t defend or help himself. It was awful. Make sure she goes to a good cancer specialist if she has a good prognosis. Let her know that you are on her side and love her no matter what. Good luck and God bless.
Show alot of love and understanding.Show patience and alot of hugs.Your aunt will be tired and weak so be gentle.Ask what she want to do and can you make her some special food? Alot of times cancer patients cannot tolerate greasy food.They devour sweets.Of course she would appreciate your knowing about it.Let her tell you about it if she wants to.She will be in pain and might be groggy from the pain meds.Enjoy her company for what time she has left.
Wow!
My dad died in my arms, in my home three years ago — of lung cancer. Giving him my time, listening to his stories was the most memorable thing I have experienced to date.
You wrote that she is a free spirit. I assume that you admired her for that. It is obvious that everyone knows about the cancer. You can ask her how her treatment is going and how it makes her feel. Generally, the treatment is worse than the disease itself when it comes to the side effects. This line of inquiries will show that you genuinely care.
The best thing you can do is tell her how much you admired her for being that free spirit in the family. Ask her to share her favorite stories from her (too short) life experiences. (She has had plenty of time to reflect since the onset of the disease, on her life and most people, if not all, look at the “if I could do it all over again” picture.)
Tell her you are nervous – she will understand. Ask your mom and aunt to share some of the sillier times they had growing up. Laughter is so very often the best medicine. It will be this time together that will give you the strength to conquer your nervousness. When something particularly silly is mentioned, jump in with, “Now I have something to tell Grandma about you two!!!” I guarantee you three will be in stitches.
My prayers are with you during this difficult time. Don’t forget your mom in all of this — her sister will always be her best friend. Let her know how much you care.
I’m sorry about your aunt. =( one of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago. =’( I know its hard but try not to act like she’s going to die. act how you normally do around her you don’t want to get her really upset. its okay to shed a few tears for her though, let her know you love her and will miss her…
Really sorry…
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